


iii. un-living the dead

by b0kuto



Series: love, xx ー a letter pile [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional, F/M, Gen, Memory Loss, this made me wanna baby tobio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:46:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24306136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b0kuto/pseuds/b0kuto
Summary: 「love, xx - a letter pile」a collection of short stories inspired by letters exchanged between lovers, friends, and families.❝ my heart will do its best to devour you.❞— denis diderot, from a letter to sophie volland written c. july 1762a letter from kageyama tobio to kageyama tobio / a letter from the living who has forgotten life, to the dead who remembers.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio & Reader, Kageyama Tobio/Reader
Series: love, xx ー a letter pile [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753975
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	iii. un-living the dead

**Author's Note:**

> i always felt like kageyama will struggle to understand the intangible, abstract ways of human emotions. his emotions are raw, desperate, fierce. so when i saw the word "devour" i gave it to kageyama immediately. I've always seen him as a simple but genuine guy who gives either 0 or 100.

_to the kageyama tobio she **lost** _

two winters have passed ever since i woke up. i still struggle to find the missing jigsaw puzzles. my name is kageyama tobio. i am a professional volleyball player. i have a fiancé. i lost my memories from the brain injury i had gotten during an earthquake, because i was trying to protect my fiance. but these are just facts, they do not tell me who i am, _they can’t even tell me how to live like you, kageyama tobio._

people say forgetting is a blessing, those who remember are the ones living in turmoil. indeed, she has suffered greatly because of me. i killed the light in her eyes when i woke up, questioning who she is. i tormented her sleep, giving her endless nightmares where she would wake up screaming “please don’t forget me”. she lives with the ghost of you haunting my empty soul. 

but how is forgetting any easier? reading your journal entries made me _envious_ of how remembering made your life a story worth reading. volleyball, the passion that once gave you a purpose in this life, was erased from my mind. friends, who painted colors onto your canvas, became blurry images in my head. my fiancé, who was the composer that made your life lyrical, the tutor that taught you the strokes of loving someone, became a gardener who is exhausted from growing a beating heart out of me. 

sometimes i wonder why did the heavens above keep me on this earth. the first few months after i woke up was a living hell; on some nights, i would stare into the dark abyss, resenting everything that kept me alive. but i found a reason to keep living. it was a pair of soft, squishy hands that calmed the raging storm in me. she knew we both could not put our minds to sleep, and that was her way of telling me she will lift the deadweight on my heart with me. how can a tiny human house such a strong heart? she carried such heavy sorrows on her shoulders yet she is my savior. despite having to lose the kageyama tobio she loves, she stayed to help me become myself, not you. she had never forced me re-learn your habits; she had never used her memories to forge my feelings for her; she simply wants me to forgive myself for not being you, and accept myself to start living again. 

two winters have passed. i am still struggling to find my missing jigsaw puzzles. but from the ones i have found, i am certain that **my heart will do its best to devour her** , and my life will do its best to protect her. so i am writing to ask for your blessing. i will go to her on a summer night, with a heart full of love and light. i will ask for her hands in mine for a lifetime, and i will never forget her again. 

love,

kageyama tobio


End file.
